If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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