ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
