I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
