So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
