Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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