So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
