You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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