The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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