Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
