Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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