Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
