He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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