Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Maybe he injected his testicle?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
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