I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
