i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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