i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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