So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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