I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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