question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
