wat bout pragnant strippers??
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
