I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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