when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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