Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I could make wine with my vomit
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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