i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
