remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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