if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
