you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
