What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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