porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
