wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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