why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
