Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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