Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
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