I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
