lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
