If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
