before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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