he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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