I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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