I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
