i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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