During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
