My Higher Power is John Stamos
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm bleeding and have questions
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
