I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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