Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
