Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
