i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
