yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
