It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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