The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
