put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
